My Story … Our Story

Should we stay or should we go? That’s been the biggest decision plaguing my mind and heart for quite some time now. The thing that, no matter how many times we run the pros and cons list, we still come up empty.

Go where, you may ask? Back to my hometown … the place I was born and raised … the place where all of my family and friends are (and where the homes are affordable).

My hubby is more than willing to relocate so that’s not an issue. And while relocating involves the stressful task of finding new jobs and all of the joys of moving (insert eye roll and heavy sigh here) – we’d put in the time and effort … in fact, we’ve already be on the hunt. So what’s the hesitation at the idea of of moving back to the place where my story began?

 

Where we are currently … it’s where WE started. This is where OUR story began.

Our life is here … the life we’ve created together. The places we hike … the beaches we stroll … the ocean-side date nights at our favorite haunts … the restaurants we frequent … our camp sites on the river – how do we leave behind the all of the things that have made our story what it is?

a guy and his dog … well, my guy and our dog really 🙂

When we visit back home, it’s so hard to leave. Feels like I have to tear myself away from my mom and my grandma and the rest of my family … like I’m going to miss so much of my nieces growing up between then and my next visit … like I need just one more hour with each of my childhood friends before leaving. But when we get back to our daily routine (and our own bed) in the county I’ve called home for almost two decades – I can’t imagine being anyplace else (well, at least not until I start looking at Zillow and see the difference in home prices between both counties).

I know that no matter where we end up that it’s the being together … doing this life together as we have been, that is the main thing. Everyday of our journey together is precious to me whether it’s here, there, or someplace completely unexpected.

No matter where we go – we’re still us. It’s the simple things that make us the happiest. Our dream is to own a home and lay down roots. There is something very comforting to me in the idea of permanence.

I suppose for now … until we know for sure what we want – we stay put. Ever the safest-bet girl. Though so tempted to just fly by the seat of my pants … take a leap … see what happens. So long as I’ve got my babe – it will all work out.

 

 

Simply Succulent

There are people in this world who can talk to a plant or just walk by it and it brings forth the most beautiful foliage and blooms you ever did see. In fact, I know one such person – my mother-in-law. She’s amazing! I’ve seen her take an orchid, reduced to just the leaves and a couple sticks with one shriveled up flower left, that someone discarded into the trash can … only to re-pot it, love it, and watch it bloom into the most gigantic, thriving orchid ever!

Then, there are people like … me.

I could walk by a plant and I swear it will shrink back and shrivel up within minutes. Like my mere presence is toxic to plant life. Needless to say – I’ve never possessed the proverbial “green thumb”.

But then one magical day – all that changed. It was the day that I discovered … SUCCULENTS!

It is nearly impossible to kill succulents. That’s not the only reason I love them (though it’s seriously the front-runner of reasons). They are just beautiful. And there are so many different varieties. So many, that I’m beginning to run out room on my porch. This calls for a new, creative approach on where to grow / plant them.

Yeah – I’m feeling like a champ over here with me and my succulents. Though, I am going to challenge myself to once again try my hand at regular flowers as well as some of my favorite veggies (a bitter disappointment of the pas that I wish not to speak of).

So, while everyone else was spending the 4th of July holiday BBQ-ing or poolside – I was planting, re-potting, watering, and relaxing with these beauties …

not a succulent … but my attempt at growing other stuff too

this little bitty is growing thru the wood cover leading to beneath the house!

**swoon**

Be What You Say

Our company’s monthly newsletter always includes an inspirational quote. Sometimes from famous people and other times from people I’ve never heard of before. (Often times I’m shocked at who these little nuggets of wisdom come from lol)

July’s inspirational word is a quote from American writer, William Faulkner. He said,

“We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.”

It just kind of struck me when I read it. I immediately thought of how that could be applied in all areas of life. Particularly, in my life.

Basically he’s saying – be what you say. Do what you say. Practice what you preach. Live what you speak. Demonstrate what you proclaim.

I’m not healthy in my body because I say that I am. I’m healthy because I live a healthy lifestyle. I’m not a kind, loving person because I claim to be that. I’m a kind, loving person because I put into practice kindness and love. I’m not a follower of Christ because I speak of Him and can quote Scripture … rather because I put that Word into practice in my daily life.

Words are just words until you team them up with actions … a noun is just a noun until you turn it into a verb. BE about it.

My C+ Life

Average. I think I may just be average. The question is – am I okay with that?

So,  I’m talking with a co-worker-come-friend with whom I have so much in common that it’s borderline scary (yet cool). And it was during this particular morning chat over coffee (her) and tea (me) that I became extremely self-aware. A revelation … a deeper understanding of something I’d already known about myself but had never put into words, let alone made an excuse for it.

I’ve never been accused of being overly ambitious. I’m FULL of good ideas. I’m a total starter with big dreams and great intentions. But rarely do I turn those ambitions into a completed anything. I don’t really excel at any one thing that could potentially get me far in life or that I could make a career out of. Rather, I have the potential to excel at a number of different things but have ZERO motivation to take any of those talents or skills to that next level.

It’s not for lack of confidence, though that has been an issue from time to time. The ol’ “but am I really good enough to do something with this?” type of second-guessing of my capabilities. But … no. It just really boils down to lack of motivation, laziness and lack of commitment.

I walked away from morning chat / therapy session with the realization that:  there isn’t ONE thing that I’m so passionate about that I would do whatever it took to make the dream a reality. Let me give you some examples:

I have always wanted to play the piano. I sing. I’ve written songs. I absolutely LOVE music. I’ve often felt dwarfed in this area because I cannot play my own music. I’ve attempted piano lessons twice – once even staying committed up to a year with once-a-week, half hour lessons. It was the practicing on my own time that I had a difficulty committing to. While I REEAAALLLYYYY want to play … I don’t want to play badly enough to discipline myself and sit there at least 30 minutes every day to practice. Even bought a nice piano … that is currently collecting dust and making me feel guilty every time I walk past it.

Photography. Oh my – how I absolutely enjoy photography. I have a good eye and an artistic flair. I would be more than good at it. But do I want to invest time in taking a class and studying up on technique? Learn the ins and outs of this skill set? Sounds good. But alas – No. I can guarantee I wouldn’t even read the user manual on how to use the camera … until I get so frustrated that I’m ready to toss it across the room. Dream over before it ever even began.

I’ve tried knitting. Figured I could make my own scarves and beanies and blankets. Save a ton of money. Use them as gifts even. Couldn’t get the hang of it within a week so I lost interest. Besides, who needs the head ache when you have a 30% coupon from Kohls? Problem solved.

Started crafting – making handmade cards and calendars. Bought all kinds of crafting “necessities” from Stampin Up. Michael’s employees knew me like my Starbucks barista knows my order. This hobby actually lasted a good 2-3 years. But, as do all things with me, it seemed to have run its course and I lost interest. My crafting table and toys sit on the opposite wall from my piano. They tag-team me with the guilt trips. But to get rid of them all would be to admit defeat. Besides … you know – what if I want to dabble in them again one day?

And the list goes on. I’ve been this way since I was a kid. Just HAD to take gymnastics like my older cousin. Two months in, at the age of 6 – I’d had enough. Bored. No longer interested. Refused to go.

As I was talking with my co-worker AKA “Bestie”, it was becoming clear – I’m just average. Nothing peaks my interest enough that I would do anything and everything to succeed at it (well, with the exception of my marriage). Nothing inspires me enough to stay committed to it so that I could break into that ABOVE average category.

Bestie reassured me that this is “normal” … that there are many out there just like us. And I started to think that maybe I should embrace this mantra. That this is who I am and it’s okay to be this way. So what if I’m talented in many areas but don’t excel in any one of them. So what if I have a ton of potential yet no motivation. So what if I don’t really have a particular niche. I should just accept that this is who I am and it’s normal and it’s okay.

 

Problem is … I’m not okay with it. I’m not comfortable with the idea of wasting natural talents and skills that God has given me. I feel like a lazy ass who decides against doing certain things because it’s going to require extra time and effort. Try as I may, I just can’t be at peace with accepting mediocrity. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t have to be well-renowned and recognized for my accomplishments. But to just see something through to the end … start to finish with all the work required in between.

The other problem is … I don’t know how to propel myself out of this average, mediocre hole I’ve been stuck in all my life. How to stay inspired enough to see projects past the idea stage all the way to completion.

I am absolutely sure of this one thing:

I can’t rest knowing that I have the capabilities of graduating life with high honors … but am willing to accept skating by with a C average because it’s all I need to pass.

 

 

Welcome Back Fall

Cuddle Season has officially returned!

Bust out the cozy blankets, cold weather gear, and soup bowls. I am READY! Time to rock the beanies, scarves, and boots with tha furrrr (yeah I just said that).

And so begin the food and drink cravings:  pumpkin spice EVERYTHING, hot chocolate, albondigas (which I am sooooooooooo needing right now), baked treats. Of course with the ushering in of Fall means Thanksgiving is just around the corner. (Thinking too much on the holiday menu does not exactly curb the seasonal food cravings.)

And then there’s the decorating! I’m a little behind in this area but it’s on the weekend agenda. Going to pull out all my pumpkins, scarecrows, owls, flower arrangements, and yummy smelling candles. I did however get a jump on my front door display. I was feeling artsy-craftsy in the worst way a couple weeks ago. What do you think?

The leaves are turning beautiful colors. (It’s so strange how something can be that stunning towards the end of its life cycle.) Now, if I could just get them to pick themselves up – I’d be winning.

Yes, this is definitely my most favorite time of year. My main objective this season – at least a few nights a week:  bake more, make more soups, cozy up on the couch with my blankey, my kindle, a cup of hot chocolate, and my honey. That right there is a recipe for relaxation folks.

What are some of your favorite things about Fall?

 

Coping

Hey friends. I’ve not been very active in the world of social media these days. 2016 has started out on an emotional, heart-breaking note and continued on an equally stressful one.

I’m not used to just “coping” with life (and death) but that’s what the past 22 days have been. Though, I’m trying very hard to keep in mind that there are many out there who are dealing with much worse, more difficult things. Trying to remember that things could be worse. And though it’s a struggle all of its own as of late – I’m trying to keep at the forefront of my mind that I’m beyond blessed in so many areas of my life … need to adjust my perspective.

That being said – I’ll be back shortly (hopefully this weekend) with some catch-up posts.